@alice @catsalad @deviantollam @saraislet @Alice@beige.party @aral @dramypsyd @TheBreadmonkey @LilahTovMoon @tinker @ErikUden I’ve felt the false familiarity (real is bidirectional) and I actually find it a little scary

@tj53 @alice @catsalad @deviantollam @saraislet @Alice@beige.party @aral @dramypsyd @TheBreadmonkey @LilahTovMoon @tinker @ErikUden Same. Also as a poster, I'm often very insecure whether I should post this (am I overstepping?) or even afterwards (did I overstep?). In some cases I know for sure that I crossed a boundary and I'm deeply sorry for that.

However, at least in all cases where I know, we could resolve this quickly and ended up actually growing somewhat "closer", unintentionally. Not in a "more intimate" but in a "more trust" way, since we know that we are safe to make mistakes in each other's presence. That felt incredibly powerful.

@alice yessss, this concept is so important! A key part of conflict resolution is discussing boundaries: what the boundaries are, how they were crossed or ill defined, mutually teaching about how we communicate about boundaries and crossing them, understanding the harm done, commitments going forward (to follow boundaries, fix harm, prevent future harm), etc

When we don't engage to clarify or establish boundaries and reach mutual understanding on the harm and how to fix & prevent it, that's when conflicts escalate.

People holding relative power often miss that it has to be mutual (they only communicate their own boundaries and don't engage to acknowledge mutual understanding even of just their own boundaries) — and thereby exacerbate conflicts. Often unknowingly because of the power they hold, they suppress visibility of a conflict and create the appearance of harmony. Though sometimes harmony is the goal of power. The status quo favors them naturally, because either their power creates the status quo or the status created their power. It's a horrifying symbiosis.