@azonenberg that's my point though, with that setup the failure mode is "all your lights are stuck on". that's not an acceptable failure mode in my eyes. the only failure mode I want is that the house functions *precisely* the way it did before I installed anything smart.
imo the way to do that is by having every switch point internally contain an SPDT physical switch wired to an SPDT relay in the same way as you would with a lighting circuit with two switches.